Four Year Anniversary

Jess (top row center) and me (middle row, third from left) at the Cousins Reunion, 1989
Also pictured: Yvonne (next to me in blue) and her brother Phil (in front of me in the shiny red jacket)

Four years ago today my only brother died.

I’ve kept busy today – hung out with friends, worked with Robby on Mercantile publicity, did a gazillion loads of laundry, gave a talk on Dancing Rabbit history for a visitor group, canned 10 pints of pickled beets…but always, in the back of my head, was an inescapable sense of loss.

I know I’m not alone – everyone has to deal with the death of loved ones somewhere along the line. As my father used to joke, no one gets out of this world alive. But the process, and the mourning, takes a long time to go away. Perhaps it never does.

Serendipitously, last week my cousin Yvonne and her husband Ronnie dropped by (from Arizona!) to visit. Her brother - my cousin - Philip passed away last year. We are all still blown away by that. I am grateful that the two of us had a (sad and tear-filled but oh-so-comforting) late night conversation and muffin-baking session, followed by lots of hugs. I was reminded, simultaneously, that I am not the only one who has suffered a loss, and that I will always have people who love me in my life, often appearing exactly when I need them to.

I realize that I am very fortunate. I have so many things and people and experiences for which to be thankful. My life is filled with love and laughter and sunshine and a richness that I could only dream of when I was young. But I still find myself wishing I could see many of those I’ve lost just one more time.

My idea of heaven? While I’m not at all religious I envision this: a place where my brother can see how gorgeous and smart and talented his daughters have grown to be. Hanging out with my friend Carter where he can be pain-free and we can garden and laugh together again. Where my friend Todd doesn’t have to wrestle with depression anymore and we can talk for hours about movies and books and words and the joy of language. Where Cindy (and the rest of us!) can find out what exciting thing she will do next. Where Marcia and I can get to the top of Half Dome, instead of her waiting in the valley, out of breath. Where Tamar can find a partner with whom to grow old – and actually be able to do it…(and that’s just the short list...)

One of my very favorite movie scenes is from “Longtime Companion.” Yes, the movie is dated; the mustaches have become 1980’s clichés and the shorts are way too short – but all of that falls away while I watch. Simply imagining the sheer joy that would fill me if I were able to, once again, hold those who I have loved blows me away every single time I watch it.

Thanks for reading. We'll return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow!

PS This particular post doesn't really have anything to do with ecovillage life, except that I live at an ecovillage and this is what I'm thinking today. I realize that my promised columns on death and dying are much delayed - I promise I'll post them soon!

One last thing - Lyrics to the song from above

Postmortem Ball by Zane Campbell

When I cleaned out your room
I painted the walls to cover any memories
But still it seemed like you were hovering over
Still out there keeping an eye on me

Yeah I never really was able to tell you
That's why I'm telling you now that you can't hear
It's not gonna be the same around here without you
And I'm holding back a flood behind one tear

And we'll go down to the post-mortem bar
And catch up on the years that have passed between us
And we'll tell our stories
Do you remember when the world was just like a carnival opening up

I never thought that I would ever see the day
And I don't wanna believe it's true
You were supposed to always be there
And a part of me has died with you

Ceci N'est Pas Un Chapeau (or, Wear a Hat, Get Birthday Cake)

One of the things I love best about living at Dancing Rabbit Ecovillage is that for your birthday everyone has to do what you say. Perhaps not the most grammatically graceful sentence, but there you are.

I asked for silly hats. And boy, did I get them! Thanks to everyone who played along and wore a hat, silly or otherwise, to celebrate my birthday!

Here are a few samples of what we're wearing here at DR:

Haley, Kyle ("hey, I had a hat, I had a mouse trap - they seemed to go together!") and Dylan

Jordan and Sheila, wearing the latest in box hats.

Tom wearing Cat IN the Hat, Grant sporting a fabulous pink number, and Lise wearing Cat ON the Hat.

Nani modeling her Saltines Hat. In the background, Cos and April (love those feathers!).

Morgan made this stunner himself. Love it!

Maya looking glamorous in the latest Armadillo hat.

Zane, Cynder with a Shoe Hat, and Jennifer & Alex with fabulous foam hats - they looked like castle heads...

Tim and Bethann (whose hat is Fun "E").

Kim looked divine in this lovely colander...

Mercantile Work Exchangers Morag, Jordan & Katherine slinging pizza in silly hat style!

Even Althea got into the spirit of things and wore her (hopefully clean) diaper on her head.

"Abdul" Orsillo kept cool while playing some hoops and eating cake.

Craig cleverly disguised as a British Bobby.

After making three AMAZING Queen of Sheba cakes Julie (shown here with Dan) decided that her shorts would work wonderfully as a hat. And really, who am I to argue?

Sometimes Nature Rocks My Socks - Cecropia Moths

Last Friday Kurt, Danae, Jordan and Baloo picked me up from the train station in Ottumwa, Iowa. Needing sustenance, we bailed on eco-friendly and headed to the local Sonic Burger place. We like it because they have old-fashioned drive-in service where the "car hop" brings the tray out to the car. We decided that the car was a bit too crowded (Baloo isn't exactly a lap dog) and so poured ourselves out onto the lawn and ate our burgers and fries there. But that isn't the story.

At some point during our meal Danae got up, wandered a few feet away and came back with an amazing moth in her hands. The first photo is from Kurt's phone, and I found the other two online to give you a better idea of just how stunning this creature is.

Check it out - it's a cecropia moth (Hyalophora cecropia).

Danae and the moth.

Cecropia Moth

This photo is from the Simple Gifts Farm blog.

Cecropia Moth
Photo from Bite Me Bait Co. ( I just find 'em, I don't name 'em)

Danae's moth was about 5" across. According to Wikipedia (and we all know that if it's on the web, it's true) this is North America's largest moth. It lives a week at most. We examined (actually, we oooohed and ahhhhhhed) for about five minutes, and then Danae walked it over to a shady fence away from the parking lot, where she left it.

"The Cecropia Moth is a beautiful creature seldom seen by the average citizen...Mating is the only goal of the adult moth (Alline's note: couldn't that also read "adult male"?). Adult moths come out of their cocoons in spring and summer. Most cocoons will "hatch out" on either May 15th or on the day of the summer solstice. This insures survival of some of the eggs in case of a late frost. The eggs soon hatch in little caterpillars who feed voraciously on the host plant. This could be oaks, cherry, beech and other trees. The caterpillars grow quickly and can attain lengths of 5-6 inches. They are green with different colored spikes protruding from it's back. The colors are quite striking making for an interesting sight. " Bite Me Bait Co.

We saw the moth on June 17th; summer solstice is today, June 21st.

From the Wikipedia page:
"Because the adult moths do not have mouth parts they are unable to eat. As a result, the lifespan for an adult Cecropia moth is generally only 7 to 10 days in the wild, perhaps a little longer or shorter, depending on how much movement the moth makes. For instance, if temperatures are cooler, the moth may remain mostly inactive, which will increase its lifespan."

That's it for now. Go forth and be amazed!

Culture Shock Hits the Ecovillage's Poster Child...

...or, Miss Whiny-pants vents a bit.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

~Talking Heads, Once In a Lifetime

I'm home from a two week trip to California and Oregon, and am suffering from culture shock. Culture shock, weather shock, grocery store shock...you name it, I'm spazzing out about it.

One would think that after 12 years of ecovillage life in the rural Midwest I'd be somewhat accustomed to wild mood swings following visits to the "outside world." But each time I feel less like either place is home, and more adrift and lost than ever. The Bay Area feels even faster, more expensive and relentless than it did 12 years ago. And Rutledge, Missouri seems hotter, sweatier and more enmeshed than ever. What's a girl to do?

My Northern California experiences leave me breathless and wanting more of the life I used to have - dinner at Chez Panisse (thanks Kate!); shopping at Monterey Market, where one can choose (for example) from five (five!) types of organic strawberries, all grown in California; a breathtaking drive up Highway 1, with stops along the way at a variety of beaches and redwood forests; walking to small, local restaurants; hanging with friends. Even the music on the radio was a welcome change - there was actually a choice broader than Classic Rock vs. Jesus.

Sigh.

The good news: fresh raspberries, fireflies, great interns, an ever-changing array of wildflowers. My husband and my dog love me. The Mercantile guests provide a refreshing change of perspective. My women's group is happy to have me home (shameless plug: read an article I wrote about the group here).

The bad news: I am tired, and feel desperately in need of a change. I need more fun, more creativity, and more JUICE.

Am I considering buying a gas-guzzling SUV, campaigning for Sarah Palin or carrying Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child? Nope. But something's gotta change. And soon.

Stay tuned.

The Secret of the Librarian's Carrot Cake

So there we were at a potluck for the Concerned Citizens of Scotland County (an anti CAFO - Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation - group). The food was abundant and delicious, as usual. Kurt came back from the dessert table with a slice of carrot cake and I thought to myself - "meh - carrot cake. It's good, but it's nothing special."

HA! I would soon eat my words AND some of the best cake I've ever had.

He took a bite. His eyes got wide, and he whispered "you've GOT to try this!" I could not imagine what the big deal was until I took a bite myself. Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. Absolute heaven on a plate.

Everyone at the table tried it. Everyone was gobsmacked (one of my favorite British sayings). We began to shout "WHO BROUGHT THE CARROT CAKE???"

From the other room came a small voice. "I did." It was Genisse, our favorite librarian. When we begged her for the secret, she paused only because she knew we would be horrified by the butter and sugar in it. We could not be dissuaded.

The librarian's secret? A buttermilk glaze poured onto the hot-from-the-oven cake. And just to gild the lily, the traditional cream cheese frosting is slathered on top. Sigh.

Below is the Milkweed Mercantile version. Genisse's cake was a little different recipe - it has coconut and pineapple in it, which I encourage you to play with. I have substituted a recipe from the Farm Vegetarian Cookbook because it is easy and vegan. It is also very tasty.

Carrot Cake
(Vegan, but you’d never know it!)

Preheat oven to 350
Grease and flour one 9x13” pan or three 9” round pans

In a great big bowl mix together (no electric mixer needed):
4 c. unbleached white flour
1 c. white sugar
1 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 ½ tsp. cinnamon
½ tsp allspice

Stir in:
1 cup salad oil
1 ½ - 2 c water or soymilk

Stir in:
3 c. grated carrots
1 c. chopped nuts (pecans or walnuts)
½ c. raisins

1. Bake in a 9x13” pan or three 9" round pans at 350 for 35-40 minutes. 
2. Remove from oven.
3. Pour Buttermilk Glaze (recipe below) over cake while it is still hot from the oven and still in the cake pan.
4. Let cool. Remove from pan.
5. Frost with Cream Cheese frosting (recipe below).

Buttermilk Glaze (vegan option below)
Yield: 1 ½ cups

1 c. sugar
1 ½ tsp baking soda
½ c. buttermilk OR ½ cup milk + 1 Tb lemon juice or vinegar
½ c (1 stick) butter
1 Tb light corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. Bring first five ingredients to a boil over medium high heat.
2. Boil, stirring often, four minutes
3. Remove from heat, and stir in vanilla.

Vegan “Buttermilk” Glaze
1 c. sugar
1 ½ tsp baking soda
½ cup unsweetened soy/almond/rice milk + 1 Tb lemon juice or vinegar
½ c (1 stick) vegan margarine
1 Tb light corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. Bring first five ingredients to a boil over medium high heat.
2. Boil, stirring often, four minutes
3. Remove from heat, and stir in vanilla.

Classic Cream Cheese Frosting (vegan option below)

12 ounces Cream Cheese
¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) butter, softened
3 c. sifted powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla

1. Beat together cream cheese and butter until fluffy, using stand mixer with whisk attachment. SIFT the powdered sugar.
2. Add in ½ cup increments, beating between every addition. Add vanilla.
3. Add more sugar if frosting is too wet, milk if it is too stiff.

NOTE: substituting 1/2 cup of coconut oil for 1/2 cup of the butter results in an amazingly coconut-ty flavor.

Vegan Cream “Cheese” Frosting

1 container Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese
½ cube soy margarine OR 1/2 cup coconut oil
3 c. sifted powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla

1. Beat together Cream Cheese and margarine/oil until fluffy, using stand mixer with whisk attachment.
2. SIFT the powdered sugar.
3. Add in ½ cup increments, beating between every addition.
4. Add vanilla.
5. Add more sugar if it is too wet, soy milk if it is too stiff.

Cake recipe inspired by The New Farm Vegetarian Cookbook, Buttermilk Glaze courtesy of Genisse Lewis, the Librarian. Vegan options created in the Milkweed Mercantile kitchen.

We Heart Interns

We put the call out for interns - we got a ton of applications and accepted six. And then, out of the blue, came three more helpers - Danae, Elea and Katherine.

Danae, who is Kurt's niece, stayed with us for a month last summer. I have never before seen someone fit in so seamlessly and have so much fun doing it. When she said that she'd like to come back this summer "for as long as the weather holds" (she's a Florida girl, and considers any temperature below 70 an insult to human beings) we screamed "YES!" with as much dignity as we could muster. She totally "gets" it, intuits what needs to be done before we've even thought of it, laughs at our (very corny) jokes, is incredibly even tempered and just a joy to be around. How did we get so lucky?

Elea and Danae working their magic

The Cicela family has been visiting Dancing Rabbit for as long as Kurt and I have been here - 1999. When we first met Elea she was three years old and cute as a bug. Imagine our delight to be able to watch her grow into such an amazing (and beautiful and smart and kind and articulate...) young woman. A wiz at permaculture, and more specifically gardening, she's only been here two days and has already transformed the garden. Every time I walk by my jaw drops and I can't help but jump up and down with excitement (we don't have TV here, and for those of you who worry about me, please don't - I'm just very easily amused). Elea is home-schooled and already taking college classes - because of Iowa law she cannot test for her GED until she's 18. So from the myriad of offers on her plate she chose to join us for a month. We may just tie her to her tent poles when she tries to leave in three weeks...

Katherine mowing with our "solar" (aka electric powered by solar power) mower

And last but certainly not least, is Katherine. She appeared three weeks and two days ago with the first Dancing Rabbit Visitor Group of the season. With a dazzling smile, an effervescent can-do attitude and a laugh that's always ready to go, we couldn't help but offer her a Work Exchange (intern) spot the second she showed an inclination to stay at DR after the visitor session ended (which was about two days after she arrived).

So - big contented sigh from the Top Banana. Look for things to actually get done around here - from blog posts to website updates to dusting - yippee!

Asparagus Doesn't Lie

Look what I found this morning in our garden!

OK. So it doesn't look like much.

But to me, a sunshine-deprived uprooted Californian, this little asparagus screams "SPRING IS HERE!"

It popped up sometime between late yesterday afternoon and this morning, and was waiting for me when I did my daily microscopic inch-by-inch inspection of the asparagus beds, hoping and praying for signs of spring. Because asparagus doesn't lie, nor does it mess around.

Welcome spring. We've missed you.